I am 24 years old, and I have never trusted anyone. My life has been filled with lies, whether the lies were mine or someone else's. Trust for me is near impossible. I don't trust people to a very self-destructive fault. 24 is a difficult age for me already - and it has only been 2 weeks. Something clicked for me this year. It's like I was reborn. I feel smarter, prettier, more comfortable with myself, and ready for a challenge. I think that challenge is going to be letting go of the need to control.
So far, jake has stormed into my life, and forced the idea of trust on me. I haven't liked that so much. I have been so used to controlling the relationship between JD and I that the idea of someone else being in control is terrifying. But I like it. I like the idea of taking a leap of faith. Some things are telling me he is trustworthy, and some things are telling me he isn't. This is where the trust comes into play. I have to fall backwards and hope that he is there to catch me. So many new things this year are on the horizon. Living on my own, dating someone I am madly head over heals for, trying new projects, and making new friends. This is something I can do. I can learn to trust. So, if I don't hear from him for a day or so, I can't panic. I need to relax and enjoy this. It could end up good, and it could end up bad. Right now it's good. Really good. I am excited to see what happens next.
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