This lunch ended with JD yelling at me for betraying him in our relationship, calling me a whore because I was wearing jewelry that Jake had supposedly bought me (um really?), telling Jillian he would never get to see her again, and then crying at his car. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. So, I went home depressed. I did cheat on him emotionally and physically - Jake stole my heart the minute he told me he wanted to take me out and discuss Radio Lab. He made my birthday the best I've ever had by dancing with me in the parking lot and kissing me on the cheek. There was nothing I could say. I knew. I knew from the moment he looked at me the way he did, that I wanted him. JD doesn't look at me like that. JD will never look at me like that. I knew, and I should have ended it then. I can't take it back, and all I could say was that I know it's the best for both of us. I knew he wasn't happy. I knew I wasn't happy.
A series of adorable texts from Jake last night took my mind off of it. Luckily, he really understood me. I told him Thursday how it made me feel to not hear from him for 3 days after our great date. I was honest, and I was direct. I said "You know, You made me second guess how great our date was Saturday. It was slightly disconcerting not to hear from you for 3 days." He seemed concerned, and I told him I didn't worry. I understood that he is 35 and used to being alone, but it just made me feel like he wasn't thinking about me. His response? "This isn't the first time a girl has hinted my communication skills are bad. I'll fix it. I like you, so I will make more of an effort." Perfect. How is he so great? How am I so able to control my emotions and be so... honest? I like it. I like him.
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